Dr. Tan Tek Seng

DAILY REFLECTION
16 October 2026

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” 
James 1:19

My wife and I recently celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary aboard a cruise through the magnificent Norwegian Fjords. Surrounded by breathtaking mountains and waterfalls, we reflected on five decades of marriage—its joys, challenges, lessons and God’s unfailing faithfulness.

During our conversations, we recalled how God used an Indian driver to transform my character after I accepted Christ. In those early years, I struggled with a quick temper. Yet God used this unexpected relationship to teach me humility, patience and self-control.

Looking back, I realise that God often uses ordinary people and everyday circumstances to shape us into Christlikeness.

After fifty years, I have learned that a lasting marriage is not built on two perfect people, but on two imperfect people continually learning to love, forgive and grow together.

James 1:19 offers three timeless principles for a Christ-centred marriage.

1. Be Quick to Listen:
Many marital disagreements arise not from a lack of love, but from a failure to understand each other.

Listening means giving our spouse our full attention, seeking to understand their feelings rather than defending ourselves.

Sometimes, the greatest expression of love is simply listening without interruption or judgment.

2. Be Slow to Speak:
Words can heal or wound, encourage or discourage, strengthen or destroy relationships.

During disagreements, harsh words spoken in anger can leave lasting scars.

Before responding, ask yourself: Will my words bring healing or further hurt?

A gentle response often accomplishes more than a hundred harsh words.

3. Be Slow to Become Angry:
Anger can destroy in minutes what love has taken years to build.

I know this personally. Before knowing Christ, my temper often controlled my reactions. Through God’s grace, I have gradually learned to respond with greater patience and humility.

Being slow to anger does not mean avoiding difficult conversations. It means addressing disagreements with love and self-control.

Sometimes, three simple words can restore a wounded relationship: “Please forgive me.”

Lessons After Fifty Years:
Our golden anniversary reminded me that marriage is not merely about growing old together, but growing in Christ together.

To younger couples, treasure your spouse. Listen attentively, speak kindly and forgive readily. Never allow pride to become more important than your marriage.

To older couples, remember that it is never too late to renew your love and strengthen your relationship.

A strong marriage is not one without disagreements, but one where love overcomes pride, forgiveness replaces resentment, and Christ remains at the centre.

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of marriage. Forgive our impatience, pride and hurtful words. Teach us to listen with understanding, speak with kindness and love with humility. Continue transforming our hearts so our marriages reflect Christ’s enduring love and faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

每日反思
2026年10月16日

“各人要快快地听，慢慢地说，慢慢地动怒。”  
雅各书 1:19

最近，我和妻子乘坐邮轮畅游壮丽的挪威峡湾，庆祝我们结婚五十周年的金婚纪念日。

置身于雄伟的群山、飞流直下的瀑布，以及令人赞叹的自然美景之中，我们一同回顾过去五十年的婚姻生活——其中有喜乐、有挑战、有宝贵的功课，更有神始终不变的信实与恩典。

在交谈中，我们回想起我信主之后，神如何使用一位印度籍司机来改变我的性格。信主初期，我的脾气相当暴躁，容易动怒。然而，神却透过这段意想不到的关系，逐渐教导我学习谦卑、忍耐与节制。

如今再回头看，我深深体会到，神不一定透过伟大的人物或轰轰烈烈的经历来改变我们。很多时候，祂使用平凡的人和日常生活中的经历，塑造我们的生命，使我们越来越有基督的样式。

经过五十年的婚姻生活，我领悟到一个重要的真理：

美满持久的婚姻，并不是由两个完美的人建立起来的，而是由两个不完美的人，在爱中不断学习、彼此饶恕、共同成长。

雅各书1:19为以基督为中心的婚姻，提供了三个历久弥新的属灵原则。

一、快快地听:
夫妻之间许多的争执，并不是因为彼此缺乏爱，而是因为缺乏理解。

真正的聆听，不只是听见对方说什么，更是用心关注配偶的感受，努力理解对方的心声，而不是急着解释或为自己辩护。

有时候，表达爱最好的方式，就是安静地聆听，不打断，也不急于批评。

二、慢慢地说:
言语具有极大的力量。它可以医治，也可以伤害；可以鼓励，也可以使人灰心；可以建立关系，也可以破坏感情。

夫妻发生分歧时，在怒气中说出的伤人话语，往往会在对方心中留下难以磨灭的伤痕。

因此，在回应之前，不妨先问自己：

“我接下来要说的话，是带来医治，还是造成更深的伤害？”

一句温柔的话，往往胜过千百句严厉的责备。

三、慢慢地动怒:
怒气可能在短短几分钟内，摧毁爱情经过多年所建立的信任与亲密关系。

对此，我有深刻的亲身经历。

在认识基督以前，我常常被自己的脾气所控制。但感谢神，祂的恩典不断改变我，使我逐渐学会以更多的忍耐和谦卑来回应别人。

慢慢地动怒，并不意味着逃避问题，或压抑内心真实的感受，而是学习以爱心、耐心和节制来处理分歧。

有时候，一句简单而真诚的”请原谅我”，就能够成为修复受伤关系的开始。

五十年婚姻的领悟:
这次金婚纪念日再次提醒我：

婚姻不仅是两个人一起慢慢变老，更是两个人在基督里一起成长。

对于年轻的夫妻，我想鼓励你们：珍惜身边的配偶，用心聆听，温柔说话，乐意饶恕。千万不要让自己的骄傲，变得比婚姻关系更加重要。

对于结婚多年的夫妻，我也想提醒你们：无论携手走过多少岁月，重新点燃爱火、修复关系、加深彼此的感情，永远不会太迟。

真正坚固的婚姻，并不是没有争执，而是爱能够胜过骄傲，饶恕能够取代怨恨，并且始终让基督居于婚姻的中心。

祷告:
亲爱的天父，感谢祢赐下婚姻这份宝贵的礼物。求祢赦免我们曾经的急躁、骄傲，以及那些伤害配偶的言语。教导我们用理解的心聆听，以温柔的话语沟通，并以谦卑的态度彼此相爱。求祢继续更新和塑造我们的生命，使我们的婚姻能够彰显基督那永不止息的爱与信实，成为下一代美好的见证。奉主耶稣基督的名祷告，阿们！